by Tommy Gimler
That’s pretty hot.
In case you haven’t noticed, and judging by the attendance you haven’t, the Indians have managed to win 10 games in row and have told the rest of the AL Central to go fuck themselves in the process.
The last time the Tribe lost a game was June 15 in Kansas City. Since then, they’ve curb stomped the opposition to the tune of 68-22. Hell, their run differential on the season is +86, and that’s the second-best mark in all of baseball.
One of the reasons behind that gaudy number is the fact that their starting pitching is the best in the American League. Their 3.62 ERA as a unit as well as their five shutouts, six complete games, 34 wins, .235 BAA, and 1.15 WHIP are all tops in the AL while their 422 strikeouts and 467 2/3 innings pitched are second behind just Tampa Bay and Toronto respectively.
But these aren’t your grandpa’s Indians, baby. This year’s team can actually hit, and to say that they’ve been raking lately would be a bigger understatement than saying I would like to take Kate Upton to Chili’s, as everybody knows that in reality, I would eat a two-pound bag of cashews out of her asshole, and I hate cashews.
Over the last seven days, the Tribe leads the AL in runs, RBI, triples, home runs, total bases, and slugging percentage while their batting average and OPS are second only to the Orioles. In their last seven games, they have scored at least six runs in all of them, and during their 10-game winning streak, the Indians have hit 21 home runs and tallied 46 extra-base hits.
Tyler Naquin has made the month of June his bitch, hitting .339 with six home runs, 14 RBI, and a Melissa McCarthy gunt-esque 1.243 OPS. Francisco Lindor’s WAR of 3.5 is the 8th-best mark in the AL. Jason Kipnis has 10 home runs hitting out of the two-hole, by far the most for an American League second baseman. And Carlos Santana has 16 home runs already, just three shy of his total from all of last year. Eh hem. Contract year.
Yet despite a 45-30 record, a five-game division lead over the defending World Series champions, and a 9-0 record against the Detroit Tigers (after years of getting taken behind the woodshed by those fuckers), the Tribe still ranks dead last in attendance, and that’s almost as disturbing as the Mark Wahlberg “in the truck” scene from Boogie Nights.
This is a good team, Cleveland. It’s time to put the heroin needles down and figure out a way to come up with the eight bucks necessary for a ticket to the ballpark…
Wait, there’s more: Re-Examining Why Clayton Kershaw Can Plow My Sister
You have got to see this shit: