by Tommy Gimler
I love the Tribe. In fact, I love watching them so much that I went to Progressive Field to watch them get curb stomped by the Oakland Athletics on a Friday night in May when the game time temperature was 49 degrees. By the sixth inning, the temp had already dropped to below 40. I had to work an event the next morning at 6am that was 84 miles away, but goddammit, I went to that game to cheer on the Indians and enjoy a few $1 hot dogs. So, I guess my question for the rest of the Cleveland metropolitan area is, “What’s your fucking excuse?”
With the exception of four or five ball clubs, every Major League Baseball team has played at least 30 games in front of their home crowds. And just like last year, the Cleveland Indians “fans” are almost as pathetic as a 21-year-old girl who refuses to treat her toe fungus.
Cleveland ranks dead last in attendance this year, averaging 15,253 “fans” per game. Meanwhile, almost 2,700 more “fans” down in St. Pete are carting their oxygen tanks and osteoporosis into the Trop to watch the Tampa Bay Rays eat shit on a nightly basis. Houston is fielding a minor league squad again this year, yet each game, they’re able to put 7,000 more fans in the seats than Cleveland. Half of San Diego’s starting lineup is hitting at or below .200, yet they’re putting just a cunt hair under 26,000 in the seats every game.
So, what gives in Cleveland? If you’re looking to blame the weather, go fuck yourself. It’s been just as cold if not colder in Minneapolis, yet the Twins are averaging 11,000 more fans than the Indians every game.
If you’re looking to blame unemployment, go fuck yourself. At 14.5%, Detroit’s unemployment rate is higher than Lindsay Lohan on a Tuesday, yet the Tigers are putting 33,260 asses in the seats every game. Cleveland’s unemployment rate is just 7%.
If you’re looking to blame a shitty product on the field, go fuck yourself. The Indians have won nine of their last twelve and are just three games out of first place in the AL Central. Meanwhile, the Philadelphia Phillies are pure dog shit this year, yet they’re still putting more than 30,000 people in the seats every game.
At 33-33, the Cleveland Indians aren’t necessarily a “must-see,” but they sure as shit aren’t worthy of being the least-watched team in the big leagues. Put down the heroin needles, Cleveland, and go support your team…