by Tommy Gimler
Holy Christ. Being a sports fan in Cleveland these days is a lot like dating a bipolar broad.
Yesterday, we touched on the Cleveland Browns front office assuring their fans of another decade of hell. But just like the meds finally kicking in on your bat shit crazy girlfriend, the Houston Astros come to town tonight for a four-game set that should give the Indians a firm grip on one of the two AL Wild Card slots by the time the Browns take the field this Sunday to receive their ass pounding from the Vikings.
Of the six teams still alive for the AL Wild Card, the Indians have by far the easiest schedule, with all ten games coming against the three worst teams in the American League: four at home against the Astros, two at home against the White Sox, and four on the road against the Twins. Those three pig shit squads have a combined winning percentage of .387, and the Tribe is a combined 26-9 against them this year.
Meanwhile, the Rays and Rangers, who are both currently tied atop the AL Wild Card standings, have one more game against each other. The Rays then get four at home against Baltimore, three at New York, and three at Toronto. Tampa Bay is 28-19 against them this year, but they haven’t exactly been playing inspiring ball of late, winning just nine of their last 24.
If you watched any part of SportsCenter this past week, then you already know that Tim Tebow is unemployed and the Texas Rangers are in an Amanda Bynes-esque tailspin for the ages. Losers of 14 of their last 18, the Rangers travel to Kansas City for three, then get a break as Houston comes to town for a three-game set, and finally play four at home against the Angels. But while that schedule might seem easier than my third cousin (huge slut), both the Royals and Angels have been playing great ball of late. The Royals have won 16 of their last 24 and the Angels have won 19 of their last 26.
The Baltimore Orioles are just one game out of the AL Wild Card, but their remaining schedule is quite a bit more daunting. Besides the pivotal four-game set on the horizon at Tampa Bay, the Orioles return home to the “City of Syphilis” for three-game series against Toronto and Boston.
The Royals and Yankees are both Peter North long shots to make the postseason, but with both teams just 2 1/2 games out with ten to play, they have to be included in the conversation. But considering the amount of teams in front of them and their records, either both of these teams would have to win eight or nine of their last ten or hope all four teams in front of them all collapse like a young porn starlet who was unaware her first day on set featured a DP scene with two black studs. With that being said, the Yankees do have very winnable games against San Francisco and Houston, and if they can somehow take three of four from Tampa Bay, they could be in business. Likewise, the Royals have three against a Texas team that is struggling worse than a fat kid running the 40, and then seven on the road against Seattle and Chicago, all winnable games.
But nobody has an easier path to the postseason than the Indians. The question isn’t whether or not they’re going to occupy one of the two AL Wild Card slots, but rather if they’ll be able to find anybody to occupy their seats if they host that one-game Wild Card playoff…